I kind of consider myself homeless. I have my things scattered between two apartments. one of them guarded by a shrill and hateful harpy who seems too have taken t upon herself to destroy the thing I had given her, in confidence and trust, in love and commitment.
My heart.
A home is not only a place where you re loved and respected and accepted, but it also the place where the things you love are. I have now, after strife, difficulty and hurt, have a place where I am accepted, loved and appreciated, but i don't have a place where the things i love are.
This post isn't about that though. this post is about last night. For every harpy there is an angel to fight it. For every pain, an ailment. Last night i didnt come home because I was with an angel. She faces her own demons, her own harpies. Perhaps the universe bought us together so i can fight hers, and she mine. in our own ways.
We were looking art each others face book pages, we were watching you tube videos. we were just kind of soaking up each others energy and were relaxed. the harpies, the demons, the changed locks on the apartment and the new girlfriends of ex assholes weren't there. There, in that place, with that person, that harpy has no talons. the screeching falls silent. I am free, I am strong, I am at peace. I am healed. I am happy.
As we talked I was tired and wanted to go. She wanted me to stay. Loneliness is one of her demons. She feels she exists, as all of do, to be with someone.=, and its hard to hard for her to be in her big place by her self. She trusts me, she says. it will be fine. She invites me into her bedroom.
Unfamiliar territory to be sure. I think t myself that this is about what she needs. this is about being there for her, helping her overcome her loneliness and anxiety. If I stay I can help her in the morning and motivate her to get things done, to get past her depression.
We talked for a few more hours. I felt, I am so close, so fucking close, to the exact thing i need. the exact thing i should have had all along. Regardless it was beautiful. She is an angel. Wielding for me the sword of her smile, the shield of her laugh. I am strengthened, I am emboldened, I am inspired. I am so close.
I want to grab this, I want to pull it close, I want to make it for ever. I want to protect her, to tell her i can be everything she needs, everything she wants. Sadly this isnt that kind of thing. At leat not yet, perhaps not ever. I'll take it as it is. An angel is an angel. I'm lucky to haver her. I;m lockey to feel her radiance and love.
